Title: Painful Days and Stormy Nights Chapter 31 (31): Good-bye *last*
Pairing: RyoJin, Ohno/Aiba, KimuShingo, Takki/Sakamoto, Sakumiya, Nagase/Koichi and one-sided Miyake/Sakamoto, PiKame, Jun/Uchi
Genre: AU, family, friendship, romance, angst, drama
Disclaimer: I don't belong the boys or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine ^^
Summary: The drama reaches its last round... What will happen when the brothers try to find out the truth? Everything turns into the wrong direction when Ryo finally realizes what's lying deep inside his mind...
It was warm outside, though it was already late at night. It would be one of the last really warm days before the summer ended completely. Ryo stretched contently when he lied down on the balcony of his room. He shifted his gaze to Jin, who had his eyes half-closed. “Are you tired, Jin?”
Jin sat up a bit, stroking over Ryo’s cheek softly. “I’m totally okay.” He bit his lips, shifting around nervously, looking away from Ryo to not get any more nervous. “You know…” he mumbled, blushing a bit. “I might feel nervous or sad or tired sometimes, but when I’m together with you, I feel like all that is totally unimportant. Because you are the most important.” He blushed when he had finished his words, cursing himself for coming up with such a stupid confession. As Ryo just blinked at him in confusion, he got up. “Forget it.” He smiled down at Ryo who looked at him through wide eyes, apparently still trying to understand what Jin had just told him. “I’ll take my leave now, okay? See you tomorrow, Ryo-chan.”
Ryo’s eyes followed Jin when the latter was about to leave. He frowned a bit, an angry glance in his eyes, when he jumped up from the floor too, chasing after his friend. Jin blinked a bit when he felt Ryo’s hands holding him back. He turned around to look at the other, blinking a bit when he felt Ryo’s hand smacking him. “You…idiot.” Ryo called out, eyes sparkling in anger. “That wasn’t even a confession. This was nothing. You can’t say something confusing like that and leave then. You didn’t even make clear what you meant. That’s not fair…”
Jin blinked at that outburst for a moment, then he smiled shyly, not sure what to say. “You know Ryo-chan…” he teased to diffuse his own embarrassment and nervousness. “You don’t really slap hard.”
Ryo blushed at that, pouting a bit, before he turned around. His courage had already left him again – he didn’t even know anymore how he had been able to simply run after Jin. The more he was surprised when he suddenly felt Jin’s arms being wrapped around his waist, pulling him back and into a hug. “Sorry for teasing.” Jin mumbled into Ryo’s ear. “I was stupid.”
“Yes.” Ryo agreed, voice shaking a bit.
Jin smiled. “Sorry.” he repeated, tightening his grip.
“You really are an idiot sometimes.” Ryo mumbled, trying to hide his blush.
Jin grinned a bit at that, his fingers wandering over Ryo’s cheek up to his hair to curl some strands between his fingertips. “How often do you want me to apologize?” he asked softly.
Ryo blushed a bit. “I guess it’s okay now.” he gave in.
Jin sighed in relief, grabbing Ryo’s hand to pull him back to the balcony. “Come.” He sat down, waiting for Ryo to settle down next to him. Then he put his arm around the younger one’s shoulder, pulling him closer. “So, what do you say?”
“To what?” Ryo frowned. “To your half-hearted confession?”
“Yes.” Jin smiled.
Ryo sighed a bit. “I had to play a role-play when I visited Tsubasa-kun for the first time. To find out what kind of role the different persons around me play in my life.”
“And?” Jin asked curiously.
“Well…” Ryo stuttered. “I guess… I feel lonely sometimes and sad and angry and desperate, but when you are around all these things don’t matter.”
Jin grinned brightly at that, poking Ryo’s hips a bit. “This means now that we are both horrible at confessing.”
“Totally.” Ryo giggled, trying to avoid Jin’s hands that were tickling him. He pushed the other away playfully. Then he looked at his friend warily, wondering how this thing between him and Jin would continue and what their half-confession would change. Jin smiled down at the younger one a bit, before he bent forward to face the other properly. His hands moved over Ryo’s face, fingers wandering over the other’s lips. With his thumb he opened Ryo’s lips up a bit, before he bent forward to kiss him softly. Ryo’s eyes widened at that for a moment, before he wrapped his arms around Jin’s neck.
It was his first kiss and he pretty much expected himself to be horrible right now. But apparently Jin liked it…so it couldn’t be that bad. With these thoughts Ryo simply let Jin pull him along into a second kiss. A more confident one, but just as sweet as the first.
As for the other questions Ryo still had, also those concerning him and Jin, he decided to go with Subaru and Tsubasa-kun’s advice. Slowly, with time, he would completely understand everything.
“Here it is.” Takki said silently, pointing at a grave. “That’s where they are buried. He looked at Ryo nervously. “Is it really okay?”
“It is.” Ryo nodded his head firmly, shoving aside his fear. He had so many persons around him that loved him. He didn’t need to be afraid anymore. And he knew, no matter what happened, there would always be Takki at his side. And no matter how huge his problems were, he could always go to Jin.
Ryo walked closer to the grave, his eyes pinned to the names written there until he found his father’s name. He sighed, kneeling down there. He tried to gather all his feelings, but no matter what… he couldn’t cry. Not after everything he had found out.
He stood up again, angling for a letter in his pocket. Then he lit the candle on the grave, burning the letter there, to leave it with his family. When he had finished his task he stood up again, going back to Takki. The older one looked at him curiously, but didn’t ask anything about the letter. He merely put an arm around Ryo’s shoulder, pulling him along.
“You know…” Takki mused. “I think we should go on a short trip all together.”
“Really?” Ryo beamed at that suggestion. “To the beach?”
Takki smiled a bit. “Yes, why not?”
“Can we bring Jin along?”
“Oh dear.” Takki rolled his eyes, still trying to get used to that change.
“He is a good guy and I like him.” Ryo defended his best friend and now boyfriend immediately.
Takki grinned a bit at that. “It’s alright. But be careful, okay?”
“With what?” Ryo blinked then he rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Oh no! I can’t talk with you about something like that!” He frowned grumpily, turning away from Takki to escape this conversation.
Takki grinned a bit. Now here they were again… still fighting, with Ryo still being so senstitive and him being so over-protective. They were still the same… but they were also different.
Takki turned around a bit to look at the grave, wondering what kind of letter Ryo had written. The he shrugged it off. He would most likely never get to know it. This here was Ryo’s very own and private business. The thing he needed to do to be able to move on.
“Hey, Ryo-chan…” he ran after his younger brother until he reached him. “Where do you want to go for our short trip?”
“Can we take Jin along?”
Takki sighed in frustration, but then he smiled. “Whatever. It’s okay for me.”
“Then I don’t care.” Ryo chirped happily. “Every place is alright.”
Maybe it felt like nothing had changed, because they were still brothers and there for each other. But in the end, everything had changed.
“Hey Ryo-chan.” Jin smiled lovingly when he met Ryo later. He hugged the other tightly, his nose brushing through Ryo’s hair.
Ryo hold on to the other for a moment, resting his head against the other’s chest. He felt Jin’s warmth, his arms around his waist. Everything alright?” Jin whispered against Ryo’s hair.
Ryo slowly relaxed in Jin’s arms, then he drew back. “It’s getting better every day.” He smiled, his hands stroking over Jin’s cheeks, before he pulled him into a soft kiss. His heart hammered against his chest when he felt Jin’s lips against his, like always. He hoped it would never stop to be like this between them. But no matter what, Jin was not only his boyfriend, he was also his best friends. Many things could break, but his friendship to Jin not. It was one of the things he could always hold onto, even if their love would break. Ryo shook his head, deciding to trust this here and the feelings between them. He took Jin’s hand, their fingers entangled. “How about a short trip during spring break? Aniki is inviting the whole family…”
The letter at the grave was lying in ashes now. The blowing wind was swirling and carrying it around. Their content was the last secret Ryo would have.
I’m sorry I never got to know you. I think I would have loved you a lot. If you had been just a bit like Aniki, I would have loved you more than anything else.
But you are not here anymore. Maybe I’ll see you one day. But not now.
I know you don’t know me. What did you feel when you got pregnant with me? Where you happy? Were you looking forward to me? Did you tell Aniki everything about being a good older brother? He always says that you were so gentle and generous… I bet he had learned this side from you.
I wish I had a memory about you for my own, but I don’t. I never knew you. All I have are pictures and stories from others.
I’m glad that I have so many lovely people around me, but sometimes I miss my Mommy. Can I come to this place to talk to you occasionally? Would it bother you to listen to my problems?
I promise that I will always cherish you, though I never knew you. I want to start new from now on and fight these desperate feelings inside me.
Please give me strength!
Love, Ryo. (That’s my name. Maybe it sounds stupid to tell you, but you never knew me after all…)
This is a good-bye letter.
I won’t carry these dark feelings inside me anymore. I don’t want to think about you all the time. I want to think about the persons around me, those who really love me. My family and my friends who would never leave me like you did. I don’t want to live a life in fear anymore.
Had you ever been interested in me? Did you want to see me growing up? Do you want to know if I’m in love? If I have friends? If I’m doing alright in school? Was there anything about me you didn’t hate or despise?
All the time I just wished for a father who would love me. But you couldn’t… I’ve decided not to feel sad about that anymore. Because I have Aniki who loves me and who always cares about me, no matter how much I fight him and no matter if I do something stupid. And I have my other brothers, your sons from your first marriage. Remember? You also left them when they were little. None of them remembers you properly…
There would be no reason for them to love me, but they do.
There are not many things I know and not many things I can be sure about, but I know that my family loves me and that I love them. I know that I can rely on my friends and I won’t let them down either.
I know that I can love someone. I know that I don’t need the darkness to become bigger… I know that I can fight it.
One day I might forgive you… But first I want to learn to forgive myself and those around me.
So this means good-bye.
A/N: So this was it! Somehow I'm feeling a bit sad myself. This story accompanied me since months now and it was the first bigger multi-chap I wrote. Thanks to all of you who followed this till the end!!!!!!!!!!! *majorhug*
Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE