Title: Mood Swings Chapter 05 (of 6): Desperation
Pairing: Sakumoto, hints of others (Ohmiya for example)
Genre: romance, friendship
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: Raised in a rather conservative way Sho has learned to hide his emotions perfectly, building an indestructible wall around him. Whenever people are exchanging feelings, it makes him feel uncomfortable. But when he meets Jun, his perfect wall seems to crumble. And suddenly Sho realizes that he wants to be something for for Jun... a brother, a friend, or even more. With all his might Sho tries to break out from his shell, hoping that Jun will see and accept the person Sho really is.
Note: This is a little travel through Sho-Jun relationship from their debut till now.
Dedicated to: Originally requested by fog_dancer in THIS post. I had planned to make a One-shot out of it, but...suddenly... I found myself adding one chapter after another.
They had drunk too much. Not at the club, but when they went home to Jun’s place. At one point Sho didn’t know if Jun’s hand on his knee was just a friendly gesture or more… He couldn’t tell the difference anymore. Until he had finally given in, kissing Jun heatedly. Jun’s lips tasted delicious. He had never thought about how they would taste, but he loved it. Every bit of Jun’s lips. They were perfect.
It was an amazing kiss.
Something was engulfing them, something special. The hands roaming over their bodies were promising, the fingers on their skin almost burning.
It was perfect moment they shared and Sho enjoyed every bit of it, until they both fell asleep, totally spent from all these overwhelming emotions, from the drinks they hand and from their making out.
When Sho opened his eyes, he felt it immediately. Headache! He sighed, rubbing over his eyes, then he blinked in surprise. He was lying on the floor of Jun’s apartment. Had he slept here!? When his gaze shifted towards the sofa, he could see Jun’s figure curled up there.
Sho sighed in annoyance. What had happened yesterday? He could remember how much fun he had with Jun and that the latter had invited him to his apartment. But from this point on his mind was blank…
Jun looked at his coffee tiredly. “I remember how we came to my place… but then?”
“I have no idea.” Sho shrugged a bit. “I can’t remember at all and I can’t believe I fell asleep on the floor. What did we talk about all night long?”
“I can’t remember… It’s a black hole.” Jun sighed, yawning. “But I’m sure we had fun.” He rubbed over his head, wanting the lost memory to appear, but he couldn’t help it, it was gone. He looked at Sho carefully. Yesterday evening at the club was amazing. Sho had been amazing! And actually he had surprised Jun with his cool and random attitude.
Jun moved his body to the beat of the music, a soft smile on his lips. Everything was so easy today... his body almost moved on its own, making smooth and elegant movements. He didn't even realize Aiba's and Nino's surprised glances. They were both standing right behind him during this segment of their concert and had troubles catching up with him.
Later after the concert when they were changing their clothes Ohno shook his head a bit, eyeing Jun with an unusual high interest. “Jun... you were amazing today.”
Jun snorted at that. “Thanks.”
Nino smiled a bit. “Oh-chan didn't mean it like that.” he explained to Jun. “You are actually always good. You are a gorgeous dancer, really. But today...”
Jun grew a bit pale. “Today I was bad?” he asked, real concern in his voice.
Ohno chuckled a bit at that. “That's not what we wanted to say. Truth is... you were outstanding today.”
“Totally.” Aiba stretched. “Nino-chan and I had troubles catching up with you. I bet we looked like complete idiots...”
Nino nodded his head. “Like total wimps.”
“I'm sure you didn't look like wimps or idiots.” Jun grumbled, trying to hide his embarrassment and joy that his friends complimented him. Actually he hadn't done anything specific today, he had just thought about his meeting with Sho two days ago. The evening in the club was surprisingly fun. He had never seen Sho laughing and joking like that... It was a new Sho. And for a moment he had been able to distract Jun from his problems.
“Oh Jun” Nino laughed. Of course he was able to look through Jun's masquerade and merely chuckled. “Just accept our compliment Jun. It's really nothing bad to allow yourself to be praised.”
Jun smiled a bit. “Thanks.” His gaze shifted towards Sho secretly. Sho was looking through some documents. He raised his head a bit, his gaze shifting towards his friends. He had listened to their talk, but he had almost felt too shy to butt into it. Though Sho was normally never shy, but somehow... this time it was different.
But now he tried to gather his courage, smiling at Jun. “They are right. Okay, I know I'm not the best dancer here, so maybe my opinion doesn't count. But today I really wished I would be able to make your movements...”
For a moment Jun blushed deeply at that, cursing himself for that. Why was he still acting like a totally embarrassed teenager when Sho complimented him. He coughed a bit to be able to talk in a steady voice. “Thanks Sho-kun.” he answered the older one, his voice a bit hoarse.
Nino pulled an eyebrow up, exchanging some meaningful glances with Aiba and Ohno, but in the end none of them said anything. What should they say anyway? Sho wouldn't forgive them if they butted into his business like that. And actually Jun wouldn't either. In terms of pride and fierceness they really resembled each other.
Secretly Nino thought that they would actually make a really nice couple...
When the others were distracted, Jun’s gaze shifted back towards Sho. He tried to read something in the other’s attitude, in the way he was smiling and talking, but Sho was like always. Was their encounter in the bar just a coincidence? An once-in-a-lifetime experience to see Sho being totally relaxed and dorky?
Jun sighed in frustration. This here felt like the morning ‘afterwards’, when the sun was shining again and the mysteries and the secrets of the night suddenly became plain and normal again. It was the same with them. Sho had turned into his normal self again. Unfortunately.
Jun frowned at that, feeling how an unknown anger was dwelling inside him. He hated this situation, he wanted Sho to accept him and to like him, not to avoid him. He fought back the urge to grab Sho and shake him to make him react to Jun in another way than just this calm attitude.
Jun wanted to be something for Sho… whatever it was. He wanted to be someone for him. But apparently he wasn’t.
Jun sighed a bit, looking out of the window, caught in his thoughts. It was fall... and the leaves were dropping from the trees slowly. It was a gloomy time, beautiful but somehow also sad. He rubbed over his head a bit, tugging at his hair. He tried to feel the pain inside him, but he it was difficult to find it. And this made him even sadder...
Why couldn't he cry right now?
When he turned around he startled immediately. There were two dark and intense eyes right in front of him now. A well-known thoughtful and stoic expression. Hair and clothes stylish but a bit too tidy. Jun turned away again, not wanting to look at anyone right now. Not even Sho. ESPECIALLY not Sho.
Sho winced a bit. He hated to see Jun like that. During all these years it had always saddened him the most when Jun felt crushed or sad or desperate. Sho would have preferred to take Jun's sorrow instead, so that the other would feel at ease, but he couldn't.
And Jun wasn't the guy who showed his problems to others or who let others help him so easily. Also this time it was just a coincidence that Sho had seen Jun dwelling in this gloomy state, because recently Jun had simply hid it under a hard-working and firm attitude. He was almost scary at times. He didn't exactly let his bad mood out on others, but his eyes were glinting dangerously sometimes, making especially Aiba flinch.
Tonight Sho had simply forgotten his bag, hence he came back to their rehearsing room... just to find Jun in this gloomy and heart-aching mood. Nino had been right... Jun never showed it. He had been the first to point out that something was wrong with their youngest band-member.
Sho swallowed down the dry feeling in his throat, approaching Jun carefully. “Hey Jun...”
“Leave me alone, please.” Jun's voice sounded low, but not exactly impolite.
Sho shook his head. “I won't.”
“No.” Sho glared a bit. “You are like this since weeks. And I won't leave you alone when you are in this gloomy state.”
“Fine.” Jun huffed angrily.
Sho didn't answer to that, he merely stayed next to Jun, looking out of the window too, wondering what he should do or say now.
“Miki and I broke up.” Jun finally said out of the blue
Sho shifted around a bit, biting his lips nervously at that. “I'm sorry.” he mumbled, looking at Jun carefully.
“No you are not!” Jun huffed at the other.
Sho blinked at that in shock. “What makes you think that?”
“I bet you are happy that we finally broke up.” Jun glared.
“Stop that!” Sho bit out. “I'm not happy when you are sad!”
“Maybe not exactly when I'm sad.” Jun answered angrily. “But you hate improper behaviour. I'm the one who knows that the best!”
Sho blinked in confusion. Well, Jun was not that wrong of course, but... this was just so... totally out of place now. Besides that there was one part of Jun's statement that made Sho frown. “What do you mean with 'you know it the best'?” he wanted to know.
Jun knitted his eyebrows. “It's the way you look at me whenever I do something that's not really fitting into your order of the world. Like dropping my shirt on the floor. Kissing someone. Whatever.”
“I...what?” Sho blinked at the other in confusion. He had never felt annoyed by Jun doing something like that. He had felt off or weird or confused... but not angry.
“It's as if you can't stand me at all.”
Sho's eyes went wide at that. Okay, so he wasn't that good with admitting his feelings and showing others his emotions. There were times he felt out of place when he was with the others, because he couldn't join their jokes and their messing around. But he had never thought that Jun would believe that he hated him! Was that the kind of image he was giving to Jun? “Jun...” Sho pressed out, feeling a well-known and so-long-suppressed white wave washing over him. “What are you talking? That's ridiculous!”
“It is?” Jun asked sharply, his eyes glinting dangerously.
Sho grabbed Jun's shirt, tugging at it. “Stop it!” he called out, sounding both angry and desperate. “Stop treating me like I don't care!”
Jun turned around, his dark eyes glaring at Sho. For an outsider they had to be looking like two furious wild-cats in a dangerous fight. “Then stop treating me like I'm worth nothing!”
Sho closed his eyes at the white light that was surrounding him now. He could feel his body shivering slightly, his short temper appearing again. And this time he didn't care at all. Because Jun was a grown-up guy and not a child anymore. Because he didn't want to hold back right now. Because they had been drifting apart for such a long time. Maybe it wasn't exactly anger but desperation that made Sho overreact this time. He forgot about all his manners and rules and tradition and simply jumped out of his shell-house, his fist hitting into Jun's direction.
The latter jumped back a bit, just feeling how Sho's fist brushed over his cheek, still hurting enough though. He knitted his eyebrows angrily, touching the bruise on his cheek, before he simply hit back.
They were panting heavily, their fists tugging at shirts and arms, pulling each other down to the floor. Jun was taller and stronger than Sho, but Sho wasn't exactly weak either. He was athletic.
They dropped away from each other, jumping up on their feet, eyeing each other furiously, their breath going heavy. And suddenly Sho felt sad. All his suppressed emotions, he had revealed them here... and it felt so empty right now.
When he raised his hand to continue this fight half-heartedly, he could feel how Jun grabbed his wrist out of a sudden, stopping him from hitting him.
And just like that Sho knew that they were even... he wasn't stronger than Jun anymore. He was older, but not stronger. They were on one level. He knew it now, but it wasn’t a good feeling…
Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE