lilly0 (lilly0) wrote,

Monologue Chapter 4

Title: Monologue: Chapter 4 (of 13): Wonder
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship
, bit angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]

What exactly are you doing here, Ryo?” Jin frowned when he came closer to Ryo and his surfboard. “Painting something?”

“Yep.” Ryo smiled happily, scribbling with his waterproofed black pen on his surfboard. “Everyone does that…”

“Whatever you say.” Jin grinned. “As long as you don’t make me actually stand on a surfboard, I’m okay with almost everything.”

“You really don’t want to try it?” Ryo asked, looking at Jin through his puppy-eyes.

Jin had to seriously hold back not to hug and squish Ryo immediately. “Forget it.” He chuckled. “Not even your cuteness will make me go surfing.” He smiled. “But I’ll have fun while watching you!”

Ryo smiled contently at that, slipping to the side a bit when Jin approached him to look at his surfboard. Jin blinked down at Ryo’s painting, before he giggled like madly. “Really…your painting skills are forgettable.”

Ryo flinched a bit. “Yeah.” He mumbled, a bright smile suddenly appearing on his face. “I know that.”

Jin inspected the other closely. He knew Ryo too well to not be able to realize when he was actually putting on a mask and when he was reacting honestly. Right now he was forcing a smile, trying to hide something from Jin. Did he actually feel hurt?

Jin reached out his hand, stroking over Ryo’s cheek softly. “Is it so difficult for you to accept that there is one thing you can’t do?” he smiled warmly. “That’s not a bad thing! It’s charming. No one can do everything…A person needs to have flaws to be charming and loveable.” He grinned. “Just imagine me being a gorgeous cook and fighting with you over the wooden spoon all the time!”

Ryo had to chuckle at that, a smile appearing on his face again. And this time Jin was sure that it was a true one. “Yes, that’s it.” Jin smiled brightly at Ryo, pulling him closer and into a warm kiss. “I like it when you show me such a smile…”

Since then Ryo had always been looking for things with flaws. Instead of buying a perfect note-book, he rather preferred one with a cut in it. And whenever Jin wondered about it, Ryo would laugh and say: You said it yourself. Things with flaws are more loveable.

“I can’t believe you talked to Tegoshi, before you talked to me!” Pi blurt out angrily. “Honestly, Ryo is also important to me! Really important!”

Jin smiled apologetically. “I know Pi. I didn’t want to hurt you with that. But right now Tegoshi is getting along better with Ryo than you do.”

“We had a fight, Jin.” Pi admitted silently. “But this doesn’t mean I don’t care…”

“That’s not what I meant.” Jin tried to explain. “I hoped that maybe Tegoshi heard something from Ryo. That he knew something specific.”

Pi sighed a bit. “Okay, I guess I understand.” He rubbed over his head. “Still… I don’t think that Ryo would bother Tegoshi with his problems.” He tilted his head, considering their options. “Maybe…” he mumbled. “Maybe MatsuJun… or maybe Takki.”

Jin nodded his head. “I was also thinking about Takki. But you could be right with Jun too…” He sighed tiredly, thinking of Ryo again and dozing off for a moment.

Pi frowned when he watched his friend, feeling concerned about this whole situation. “Won’t you tell me what happened, Jin? I mean… you were so happy with each other. Did you fight?”

Jin stayed quiet for a moment, then he shook his head. “We didn’t. I wish we would have. It would have cleared quite some things between us then… But somehow we had both waited for the other to say something. And hence kept everything inside us.”

Pi sighed a bit. “He is the type who would do that…” he mumbled. “Keeping his problems inside. I remember how overworked he was two years ago. He had to faint before I realized what was going on…”

“Still you fought with him recently.” Jin complained, glaring at Pi.

“I know.” Pi grumbled. “But I’m not the type who makes a first step either. Don’t you think I might feel bad about our fight?”

“What did you argue about anyway?” Jin asked. “Ryo just told me that it was about something stupid and that he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

Pi sighed. “It started with us leaving News. Actually he wasn’t surprised about my solo plans. Like the others he was quite supportive. But then… one day… we got into this discussion. I can’t even remember how it started. About being alone… or rather me being on my own now, since I’m going solo. It started really small, I told him that I didn’t care if I could only count on my own now. Then he got upset out of a sudden. We started to fight, coming from small things to bigger ones.” Pi sighed. “I don’t even know what exactly was off.”

Jin glared at that. “Well, it might be a guess. But saying you are all on your own now and that you don’t care about that… So what? Do you think your friends won’t support you? Or rather: You don’t want them to support you?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Pi argued.

“Then choose different words the next time.” Jin told him bluntly. “You can’t say something like that to someone who always wanted to support you.”

“I know.” Pi admitted. “But it’s not only that. I think that one part of him didn’t understand it that I wanted to go solo…”

“But he understood me.” Jin argued.

Pi smiled a bit at that. “That’s something we fought over too. He got really upset when I brought your name into this.” He sighed a bit. “But now I have to admit that he was right. You and me, we are different. It wasn’t right to bring your name into our argument.”

Jin sighed. “Sounds to me like a huge amount of misunderstandings and wrong words… leading to a huge fight.”

“We were due for it.” Pi admitted silently. “Two years ago we had this thing… But we stuck to ignoring each other, until we suddenly got closer again. I think this time all the frustration came up at once.”

“Maybe.” Jin admitted. “But you are friends. Why didn’t you talk to each other afterwards?”

Pi rubbed over his head a bit. “You are right, we should have. I wished we would…” he looked at Jin insistently. “I promise that when we find him, I’ll talk it out with him.” He looked at Jin carefully. “He doesn’t trust one easily. And I think he has too many doubts. I don’t know why but sometimes this made me wonder…”


Jin sighed when he walked through the rain. He didn’t even bother that he was getting wet. Just when the rain stopped, he blinked up at the sky, missing Ryo like crazy. He recalled his talk with Pi. Well it helped him to understand some things, but it didn’t really help him about understanding Ryo’s past. The three of them had stuck together so much that actually Pi’s sight on Ryo was almost the same as Jin’s. Just the last part had been interesting. Doubts. Pi was right. Ryo had a lot of doubts. Just why?

But Tegoshi’s words on the other side had given him quite some clues. What about Ryo’s brothers? What exactly did he mean with a lost child? Jin’s eyes widened for a moment. Wait, didn’t Tegoshi mention Murakami’s and Yokoyama’s name? He should definitely give this hint a try…

Dear Ryo,

Today it stopped raining. Did it also rain at your place?

Wherever you are right now… is there any rain?

Is there sun in your life?

Can you paint there?

I never told you that I love your paintings.

Though they suck, they are so honest.

I remember this one drawing  you did for a magazine… where you all had to draw a horse.

You were the only one adding a carrot to the picture, for the horse to have something to eat.

I think this was one of the most adorable things I ever saw.

I’m crazy about you.

I love you.

It’s true.

Your stupid Jin.

Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE

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