lilly0 (lilly0) wrote,

Monologue Chapter 6

Title: Monologue: Chapter 6 (of 13): Half Down
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship
, bit angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]

“Why do you even read them?” Jin asked softly, pulling the letters away from Ryo.

“But some of them are nice.” the other tried to argue.

Jin shook his head. “I know…but right now it’s a difficult time. Why don’t you let me go through them first?”

Ryo’s eyes widened in shock. “You want to go through my mail?” he whispered.

Jin snorted at that. “Of course not, silly. Listen properly! I said give the fanmails to me… I will check if there are mean ones within them, so that you don’t need to bother…”

Ryo’s face relaxed again, he leaned against Jin’s shoulder. “Sorry.” he mumbled. “For a moment I thought…” he paused here, biting down on his lips.

“You thought what?” Jin asked carefully.

Ryo shifted around a bit, before he had his guard up again. He smiled at Jin. “Nothing.”

Koichi smiled happily when he bit into his sushi. “I love the ones with tuna the most.” he explained to Jin, before he went on about how to make them correctly and which way they tasted the best.

Jin had to grin a bit. This was just like Ryo. Ryo could also ramble on and on about food and about how he would cook this or that… or how he would like to cook something really special for Jin, for a romantic dinner.

“Are you even listening to me?” Koichi complained. “I’m your Senpai, you know?”

Again Jin had to remember Ryo here, but this time he pulled his senses together. “Sorry…I was dozing off…”

“Really?” Koichi asked in interest. “What were you thinking about?”

“Ryo.” Jin answered bluntly. “You just remembered me of him…”

“Ah.” Koichi smiled contently. “I like this kid…”

“Really?” Jin smiled warmly, like always when someone said something nice about Ryo.

“Yes.” Koichi tilted his head a bit. “He somehow reminds me of myself… So I know how to handle him. There is no need to wonder what kind of person he is and what might hurt him. It’s easy.”

“Is it so much more complicated for you normally? With other people?” Jin asked in surprise.

“Of course.” Koichi mused. “Whenever it is about Humans it is complicated. Nishikido-kun is similar to me… so it is easy for me to talk to him and to work together with him.”

Jin blinked in confusion, something in Koichi’s casual explanation had caught him. “How is he similar?” he asked curiously.

Koichi shrugged. “We both don’t like to talk about the past. We don’t like others to ask us too many questions. We don’t like it when people keep bugging us to talk about our problems… Things like that, you know?”

“But…” Jin was staring at Koichi in shock. Koichi had absolutely nailed it. But why? How? “Why are you similar?” Jin asked carefully.

Koichi shrugged. “How should I know? I already told you…we both don’t like questions. Hence I never asked him any.”

“But you wondered?” Jin wanted to know. “Were there things you wanted to know about him?”

“Of course.” Koichi smiled a bit. “Just because I keep my problems to myself, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care for others.”

Jin shifted around a bit, not sure if he had courage enough to actually ask what he wanted to know. Then he took a deep breath. This was about Ryo after all! Way to show some courage… “I’m sorry for being blunt and impolite, but… what is the reason for you being like that?”

Koichi blinked in surprise, then he sighed. “I already told you that I…”

“…don’t like questions. I know and I am sorry.” Jin bowed apologetically. “But this is important.” he explained silently. “I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”

Koichi considered the younger one for a moment, then he rubbed over his head tiredly. “Is this the truth? Is it really important?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Jin answered honestly.

Koichi sighed, something in Jin’s eyes made him feel uncomfortable, realizing that there might really be something off. “I was bullied.” he answered. “The really bad way. Where I didn’t dare to go to school. I got depressions of it… I even thought of killing myself. It was seriously bad.”

Jin’s eyes widened in shock. “I am…”

“Don’t say you are sorry.” Koichi interrupted him harshly. “I don’t want any pity. You hear that? I don’t want pity! I want acceptance.” He paused. “Nishikido wants acceptance.”

“So your stories are similar?” Jin asked carefully.

Koichi shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know that. I just felt something when I was with him… you know… a feeling I had. This special kind of desperation. But it doesn’t necessarily need to be like my story. I just know that there were times when he wasn’t happy…”

I don’t want pity. I want acceptance

Jin tossed around in his bed. Koichi’s words didn’t leave his mind. He was right… Ryo wanted acceptance. It had appeared in different moments. When he had been painting on his surfboard. When they had sex for the first time. Was I any good?

These things slowly started to make sense. Just why had he been so shocked when Jin had wanted to help him with his fanmail?

Something inside Jin told him that though Koichi and Ryo shared some similarities, their stories might still defer…

He had found an important clue. But some other puzzle pieces were still missing…

Dear complicated, cute Ryo,
You hate it when I call you ‘cute’, but since you can’t interrupt me at the moment, I can call you ‘cute’. HAH! You are cute! Cute, cute, cute, cute!
Sorry, I am being stupid…
Why do I feel like everytime you say ‘nothing’, it means more than actually nothing?
Why do you never really open up?
I love you!
If I open up, will you too?
Your pathetic Jin.

PS: Jin, your boyfriend.
Remember me?
Please let me stay your boyfriend!
Come back to me.

Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE

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