lilly0 (lilly0) wrote,

Monologue Chapter

Title: Monologue: Chapter 7 (of 14): Seasons
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship
, bit angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]

“You know, I have nothing against crowded places.” Jin complained. “But this here makes even me feel claustrophobic.” He rolled his eyes when he saw Yuu curling his lips up into a teasing smirk. “Stop that attitude, idiot.” Jin grumbled. “You are way too drunk to be taken for serious anyway… I’ll go outside for some fresh air.” He shoved his body through the masses of people, glad when he reached the door, leading outside.
He sighed deeply, leaning against the wall. Fresh air! Finally! He liked clubbing and crowded places, but honestly…this here was too much for him. Thoughts like: “What would I do if there was a fire?” normally didn’t cross his mind, but this place made him feel uncomfortable. It was a special party, only VIPs invited and it was actually something that could be cool. Just that the place was way too small.

Though he could have had fun if Ryo had been here too, of course. Together with Ryo even the ugliest place turned into their own comfortable little palace. But Ryo went to Maruyama’s birthday party and couldn’t come along. Jin rolled his eyes at that thought. Man, how pathetic, here he was, going out without his boyfriend for once and already missing him. He, cool and independent Jin. Who would have believed that he was so much into romance? That he actually liked the thought of not being free and independent? He loved it to take Ryo’s hand and claim him as his. He didn’t need the feeling of being free and allowed to have sex with whoever he wanted to, he rather preferred it to have sex with the one person he really wanted. He hadn’t believed that himself at the beginning, that he could become such a type of guy, but with Ryo everything changed.

“You were right.” Yuu coughed when he also trembled outside after while. “This place is scary…” He took a sip from his beer that he had brought outside. “Want some…?” he offered.

“No thanks.” Jin grinned, pulling at his cigarette. He watched the smoke diffusing in the night sky. It was a calm area here… no people outside at all. He enjoyed it to be at such a place, just looking at the night sky and enjoying the fresh breeze, without the noise of cars around him.

“Eh?” Yuu blinked. “You don’t want a beer? What kind of miracle is that?”

Jin laughed. “No miracle. But when Ryo comes home tonight, I want at least be prepared for some sex.” He chuckled. “And when I’m drunk I won’t be able to…stand. If you get what I mean.”

Yuu grinned dirtily. “Well, that’s a good reason.” He leaned back a bit, looking up at the sky too. “Who would have believed that Akanishi Jin could be so much in love with one single person?”

“My word.” Jin smirked a bit. He didn’t even care about sounding cheesy here. People who complained about that were just envious.

“I envy you.” Yuu admitted honestly. “I want to be in love too. Must be great…”

Jin chuckled. “It’s lots of work too. I want to be able to live with him…also when the first feeling of overwhelming love is over.”

“That’s what I envy you for.” Yuu smiled a bit. “Being able to fall in love…and stay in love. That’s something that I really want too.”

“You will find it.” Jin reassured his friend.

“I hope so.”

They stayed quiet for a moment, feeling a bit awkward, then Yuu chuckled. “How do his lips taste?”

“Secret.” Jin grumbled.

Yuu laughed. “I want to taste his lips too…” He grinned dorkily, bending forward a bit and pressing his lips against Jin’s.

Jin rolled his eyes, pushing him away. “Idiot!” he complained, laughing a bit. “His lips are my secret.”

“Yeah…” Yuu complained, pouting slightly. “You just taste like smoke and whisky. Not interesting at all.” He grinned. “I’ll be heading back again… there is this cute blonde I want to talk to.”

“Good luck.” Jin smiled, watching how Yuu left him again. He leaned back against the wall once more, wiping over his lips. Yuu was a dork, really. Such a random idiot. But if he ever kissed Ryo for real, he would… Well, Yuu better shouldn’t do that! Jin smiled a bit, looking up at the sky. It wasn’t pathetic to wish for Ryo to be here too, right? To watch the night sky with him together…

Subaru yawned a bit. “I don’t even understand why Yoko sounded so worked up…He called me around 3 AM to tell me to meet up with you… 3 AM!!”

Jin smiled apologetically. “I think I surprised him with my questions… Sorry for that.”

Subaru leaned back a bit. “Yeah…” he mumbled, lost in his thoughts. “But why is he so worried? What kind of questions did you ask him?”

Jin sighed deeply. “I can’t tell you everything… but it’s about Ryo…”

The older guy’s face frowned in worry, he leaned forward immediately. “What’s with Ryo?” Subaru asked in concern. “Did something happen?”

“Is he alright?”

“Where is he?”

Jin shifted around a bit. This here was even worse than talking to Yoko… Yoko had been holding back a bit, because of his surprise and shock, but Subaru... was different. Jin sighed silently. “It’s something personal, I can’t tell you everything. But I want to help him… Just, to help him, I need to know some answers.”

Subaru frowned. “I don’t understand that at all…”

“It’s a private problem.” Jin explained carefully. “He really needs my help now and I’m not letting go of him any time soon.”

Subaru sighed. “Is it part of the reason why he was so gloomy recently?” he asked.

Jin frowned. “Wait…what!?”

“Well, he was quite gloomy recently.” Subaru repeated, before his eyes widened. He looked at Jin insistently. “This reminds me of some years ago, when he had the same aura… he was almost depressive.”

“Depressive?” Jin asked in surprise.

“Maybe depressive is not the exact word for it.” Subaru admitted. “More like…haunted…” he paused “The first time it happened was when he was still a kid - he had an almost sad aura back then. He wasn’t sleeping well.” he mumbled. “I think it was because of his brothers. But at that time it wasn’t something that really made me worry. You know, he was bothered, but not crushed. But then a few years later, when he was older…” Subaru paused here, a slight shiver running over his spine.

“What was a few years later?” Jin wanted to know. “Did he have nightmares again? Was he feeling broken or crushed?”

Subaru shrugged helplessly. “He never told me about it. We were sleeping in one room back then, when we were on concert tours… and he used to wake up in the middle of the night. He was tensed and almost scared all the time. I tried to help him…” Subaru smiled warily. “But, well, you know him. He didn’t want me to ask any questions. It was the time where he put up this grumpy mask all the time, I guess it was to protect his own broken self. He was pretending to be unfriendly and a tease.” he paused. “But after some time it was suddenly better again. Almost out of a sudden he seemed to be free, letting go of his grumpy behavior completely…and opening up again. Until last year.”

“Eh?” Jin blinked. “Last year?”

Subaru shrugged. “He was so sad out of a sudden. And he had this closed attitude again.” he explained. “We tried to ask him about it, but he wouldn’t answer. All he did was to write this song…”

“This song?” Jin blinked. “You mean ‘monologue’?”


Jin shivered a bit when he walked home. No matter what he tried to think of or how he tried to lighten up his mood, there was one thought hunting him: During monologue-times Ryo, you were already together with me. What made you so sad back then?

To Ryo aka my love,
I love the night sky,
But without you I feel like I can’t find pleasure in anything I do.
Would you come back to watch the night sky together with me?
I promise you to hold you in my arms…
We can raise our wings and fly together then,
because we love each other.
Yours, always, Jin

Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE

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