lilly0 (lilly0) wrote,

Monologue Chapter 11

Title: Monologue: Chapter 11 (of 13): A Page
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship
, bit angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]

“Where are you going to?”

Jin turned around a bit, scanning Ryo properly. His question hadn’t sounded impolite… more like a careful interest. “I’m going out.” he merely answered, his eyes never leaving the expression on Ryo’s face.

“Oh, okay.”

He could see it in Ryo’s eyes that there were actually a lot more things he wanted to ask, like… Who are you meeting with? Where are you going to? When will you be back? But Jin just couldn’t get over all these things in his mind and tell him simply: I’m meeting Yuu. It will be a calm evening in a small bar, because Yuu has troubles with his girlfriend. Don’t wait for me, okay? I don’t know how long it will take me.

Just some normal information every partner wanted to have… without being specifically jealous or protective. Two people who were together shared a lot after all. Of course they would want to know these simple answers.

But Jin just couldn’t do that. Not anymore… He felt tired and exhausted, sad and desperate that Ryo didn’t open up to him anymore.

Jin sighed when he remembered their last evening together. Maybe if he had reacted in a different way…maybe Ryo wouldn’t have left him then. He knew it wasn’t that simple, but still he couldn’t stop blaming himself.

If only he had hugged Ryo out of the blue, swirling him around, make him smile his bright and lovely smile.

If only he had tugged him along to a short trip… to be able to talk to him. Being on a calm and relaxing holiday together could always help, because one was more relaxed then, loosing some tension.

If only he hadn’t given up too early. He should have known. Maybe not exactly the things Kame and Ueda had told him, but still… some signs were there, also for Jin. But sometimes it was easier to close one’s eyes and pretend like everything was perfect. Jin swore to himself not to close his eyes anymore.

If only he had told Ryo more often that he loved him. He would do that from now on.

He wanted his stupid, cute, naïve, sexy, little idiot back! Damn!

“That’s it.” Jin finished his explanation towards Takki. “I’ve told you everything that happened… and what I found out. So please… if you know something, would you tell me?”

Takki folded his hands for a moment, then he smiled at Jin sadly. “What should I tell you now? You already did a proper work. Do you really need me to give you answers you already know?”

“So it is true?” Jin asked carefully. “His former boyfriend, the one before Kazuya, treated him in a bad way? Hit him?”

Takki sighed a bit. “I don’t know any details, Jin. You have to ask that from Ryo himself. I think it’s not only about him being hit, it’s also about… being pulled down, being hurt by words, being bullied.”

“I understand.” Jin answered silently, something inside his stomach tugging and pulling at him painfully. He remembered how Jun had wondered about Ryo’s silence, the things Kame had told him and Ueda. His talk with the others. The nightmares Subaru had mentioned. Yoko’s theory. And the things he had encountered himself.

“You know.” Takki started again. “He actually did his best to get over it. Though, I don’t know if you can ever get over such a thing. It’s difficult. You have to accept the fact that this might never be an easy, ‘normal’ relationship. If you aren’t strong enough for this, it might be better to let him go…”

“I am strong enough!!” Jin answered with so much determination that Takki had to smile.

“I knew you would say that.” He paused. “You know, when I worked together with him for Orthros I did my best to give him more confidence. I found a way to get through to him… He isn’t that shy anymore.”

“Yes.” Jin smiled warmly. “He listens to you. And he admires you.”

Takki smiled happily at that. “I like to hear that.” He chuckled slightly, before he got earnest again. “But truth is…don’t live in the past too much. Talk with him about it, because he should open up. But I think what he searched for in the end was acceptance… and you gave him exactly that. For him to tell you the whole story will definitely be the last step. He is strong.” Takki smiled at Jin. “And you are strong too. He started to be himself again and become stronger. Since he is together with you, he learned so many things… he accepted his own flaws and he learned to say ‘no’. He grew together with you.”

Jin blushed a bit, before his glance got angry. “But this guy he was together with…”

“Don’t worry about him anymore.” Takki told him calmly. “You don’t think I am letting one of my Juniors be beaten up, right?”

“No.” Jin mumbled, eyeing Takki carefully. Takki could be scary…yes…

“So, as I said, don’t get caught in revenge or something like that. Move forward with him together.”

Jin sighed silently. “But why… if he really got over it, why would he run away from me? Why close up out of a sudden? I don't understand that.”

Takki stayed silent for a moment. “What’s your history, Jin?”


Takki smiled. “You said it yourself: Every person has its own history. What’s yours?”

Jin got lost in his thoughts for a moment. “I’m not sure…” he admitted silently. “Maybe that no one took me for serious before? Everyone thought I was just messing around… also in relationships. There were moments when I really wanted to be together with someone, but the other person believed that it was just an affair.”

“And Ryo?”

“He wouldn’t think something like that about me!” Jin answered fiercely.

“So he took you for serious, right?” Takki tilted his head a bit. “So… maybe it’s not only about something that happened in his past…but about something that happened in your present? Don’t forget… if someone was hurt so badly like him, it would definitely influence him his whole life. Others wouldn’t react like him in certain situations, but because of his past he might see things in a different way.”

Jin blinked in confusion. “Eh? What do you mean?”

“Maybe you did something? Or you said something? Something that hurt him? Maybe he misunderstood something? Problems in relationships are not that simple…” Takki smiled warily. “Especially when it’s about someone like Ryo, who got abused in a former relationship. Right?”

Jin’s eyes widened. He hadn’t even thought about that. That Ryo running away from him had other reasons…. What did happen between them? He frowned deeply, wondering what the heck had been going on. When was it that Ryo started to actually pull away from him? Apart from all these things he knew now, something else had happened too, just what? When was it again…?

His eyes widened out of a sudden. Wait! Where had Maruyama’s birthday party been back then? It couldn’t be, right?

He jumped up out of a sudden, tugging at his hair. “I can’t believe it’s about that…”

“You already found out what’s wrong?” Takki sounded seriously surprised.

“It’s a misunderstanding…” Jin sighed out. “I wished he had said something back then! Then it wouldn’t have gone that far…”

“Well…” Takki smiled. “I guess you two should learn how to talk properly, right?”

“Where is he now?” Jin interrupted the older one. “Do you know anything?”

“Unfortunately not…” Takki sighed a bit. “He has a few days off. But he has to come back next week… There is a photo shooting for a magazine.”

Jin frowned. “I can’t wait that long… I already waited way too long.” He paused, his eyes lightening up for a moment. “Do you know whom he met before he disappeared?”

Takki tilted his head for a moment. “I think he had an interview for a magazine… If  I remember correctly someone else was there at the same time.” He paused for a moment. “Ah!”

“You remembered this someone?”

“I guess I do…”

Dear Ryo,

Sorry for asking this so bluntly, but:

Did you see how Yuu kissed me?


Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE
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