lilly0 (lilly0) wrote,

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Monologue Chapter 12

Title: Monologue: Chapter 12 (of 13): monologue
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship
, bit angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
It happens almost out of a sudden. 'Almost', because Jin should have seen the signs. But too pre-occupied with the problems in their relationship, it slipped his attention. And then Ryo is gone... leaving just a single note. Where he is, is a mystery, as is what drove him to leave. Desperate to save their relationship Jin decides to fight against unknown demons of their hearts. He is searching for the key to understanding Ryo's past... so that he might be able to open the locked door again.
Note: Flashbacks and letters Jin has written are in [italic]

Jun shook his head. “Honestly Sho… you could have said something!”

Sho sighed a bit. “How should I have known, Jun… I just met him during an interview last week… and he looked so stressed. So I wanted to be a good Senpai and ordered him to spend a few days on a short trip …”

“Well…” Jun sighed. “It’s not exactly wrong that you helped him.” He looked at Jin warmly. “Now we at least know where he is!”

“I’m so glad.” Jin sighed out, brushing through his hair. “Where exactly is he?”

Sho smiled a bit. “Toscana. My family has a house there…”

“Are you for real?” Jun blinked. “Where the heck does your family not have a house?”

Sho blushed a bit, deciding to not answer the last question. “My parents have connections to the airline” he explained instead. “So it was easy to get tickets. I didn’t know that he didn’t tell anyone though…”

“Could you use your connections once again?” Jin asked, looking at Sho through begging eyes.

“Of course he will!” Jun answered on Sho’s place. “Right?”

Sho nodded his head. “Sure.”

“Hey Ryo…” Jin followed Ryo out of the balcony. “The party is inside and not on the balcony, you know?”

Ryo smiled brightly at him. “But I like the night sky.”

Jin blinked for a moment, before his gaze shifted up to the sky. He didn’t exactly understand what Ryo liked about it, but somehow…looking at it through Ryo’s eyes made it pretty. He looked back at Ryo, scanning his gleaming eyes. The way he was looking up at the sky, lips half-opened in fascination.

He reacted out of an instinct... Jin just couldn’t help but let his fingers brush over Ryo’s cheek for a moment. “Sorry…” he stuttered, when Ryo looked at him in surprise.

“You like the night sky too, Jin?” Ryo asked instead of actually voicing his surprise.

Jin shrugged a bit. “If you like it, I’ll like it too…”

Ryo grinned at that. “That’s not an appropriate answer, Jin.”

“It isn’t?” Jin pulled an eyebrow up.

“Well…” Ryo looked at Jin carefully. “It doesn’t really sound like something Akanishi Jin would say.”

Jin sighed a bit. “I know. People keep telling me that…”

Ryo’s hand brushed over Jin’s arm for a moment. “Don’t look like that. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it like that. It’s more like…it’s nice to learn new sides of you.” He leaned against the balcony, smiling a bit when Jin rested his hands on the balustrade, capturing Ryo like that and keeping him close.

“Want me to show you more gorgeous sides of me?” Jin asked, sounding way too unsure than to actually pull it off as cheeky or teasing.

Ryo grinned, his fingers brushing through Jin’s hair, before his hand moved over Jin’s face. He giggled when Jin kissed his palm, before he pulled his hand away.

Jin looked at Ryo carefully. “You know that I mean it, right? That I don’t want to play around here? I…” he coughed a bit. “I actually want you.”

“Really?” Ryo’s eyes gleamed for a moment.

Jin grinned brightly. “Yes. Apparently I’m hopeless. Or rather…my crush on you is hopeless.”

“I like that.” Ryo smiled brightly, before his eyes grew sad for a moment. “I can trust you, right? You are one of the good ones…”

Jin blinked for a moment, wondering what Ryo meant with this, but then he smiled softly, his fingers gliding over Ryo’s cheek tenderly. Apparently it was answer enough for Ryo, because he wrapped his arms around Jin, pulling him closer. “Okay.” he told the other.

Jin smiled brightly, his nose brushing over Ryo’s cheek playfully. His heart jumped when Ryo giggled at that. He had always been like that… happy when Ryo smiled. He placed a soft kiss on the other’s lips, just nibbling at them for a moment.

“Is that all I get?” Ryo teased.

Jin burst into laughter. “Of course not, silly.”


“You know… even though this here is a total hick town I had a hard time finding you…” Jin mused. “My lack of Italian knowledge wasn’t any help either.”

Ryo almost jumped when he heard Jin’s voice behind him, staring at the other in utter surprise.

“What?” Jin snorted, glaring angrily. “Did you think I would accept a lousy letter!?”

“You searched for me?” Ryo asked shyly.

“Yes, idiot!” Jin huffed, sounding pretty worked up. “I was worried like hell… you just wrote this stupid letter and disappeared. How could you!? And no one knew where you went to… except Sho-kun, who didn’t know that you just disappeared without telling anyone.”

Ryo shifted around nervously, looking away from the other. “Yes… sorry.” He couldn’t help the offensive tune in his voice, he felt pushed into a corner here and surprised, he just needed to have some distance.

For a moment Jin considered his options, then he sighed. Ryo looked pale and way too thin… he obviously wasn’t feeling well. Jin tried to remember the last time that Ryo was actually looking happy, eyes sparkling and smiling an honest smile. When he couldn’t remember the last time, he felt it again…the painful tugging in his stomach.

There were many things he felt right now and many things he wanted to discuss, but in the end he knew that he needed to be careful here. There were moments when someone else was more important than one’s own pride – this was just a moment and such a person. And Jin didn’t want to let his pride into his way. He wanted to solve this and he wanted to save his relationship, that’s what he had been fighting for the last couple of days. He wouldn’t toss that away just to argue with Ryo about who had been right or about who was the more stupid one. He didn’t want to blame Ryo because of the letter he wrote, he didn’t want to yell at him for running away like that and hiding. He just wanted Ryo to come out of his shell again and slowly open up completely. “Well…” Jin shook his head, knowing that he would totally surprise Ryo with his next words. “What should I say? I’m sorry too.”

“Eh?” Ryo blinked. “Why?”

Jin sighed silently, taking Ryo’s hand into his, looking down at their entangled fingers. He was glad that apparently Ryo was so surprised that he didn’t pull back from him. “Some months ago… when you were at Maruyama’s birthday party… it was close to the club I visited, right? You saw how Yuu kissed me… am I right?”

Ryo drew back a bit, feeling like running away. But Jin’s grip around his hand was firm, there was no way he could actually run away from this. “Yes…” he answered warily.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jin pressed out, torn between desperation and anger. “I mean… you didn’t even ask! Did you have these gloomy feelings and this mistrust in you all the time from then on?” When Ryo stayed quiet, Jin sighed. “We can’t continue like that. You know that…right? That’s why you simply left.”

“I don’t want us to be like that…” Ryo mumbled sadly. “I want us to be like every other normal couple.”

“But we aren’t like the others.” Jin explained silently, remembering what Takki had told him. He had to be strong enough for this relationship, because it would never be easy. For a moment he stayed silent, realizing how Ryo was tensing up at his last words. “I didn’t cheat on you.” he finally told Ryo, voice softer now. “Yuu kissed me out of the blue, because I was just telling him how much I am in love with you. He wanted to know how your lips taste. He was hopelessly drunk.”

“Eh…” Ryo’s eyes widened in surprise. “You didn’t…”

“No.” Jin sighed. “Oh Ryo.” he shook his head. “Didn’t you promise me to take my words seriously? You remember… when we got together…”

Ryo turned away for a moment, looking up at the night sky, before he looked at Jin again. “I’m sorry.” He looked down at their hands, closing his fingers tightly around Jin’s. “I’m so stupid… I just… really have problems with having faith in people.”

“I know.” Jin answered, not able to hide the sarcastic tune in his voice. After all he knew Ryo’s lack of faith in those around him the most. “But we are together aren’t we? We should learn to talk. I’m not saying I did everything right…because I could have forced you to answer me some questions. There are many things I could have done.”

Ryo looked at Jin warily. “There are many things I kept from you…”

“Maybe I learned to know more about you than you think I would.” Jin admitted.

“What?” Ryo blinked, glaring at Jin. “What do you know?”

“Many things.” Jin smiled teasingly, deciding to diffuse this tension between them for a moment. “For example… your affair with Kame.”

“EH!?” Ryo blushed deeply, smacking Jin. “Stop that!”

Jin laughed slightly at that, wrapping his arms around Ryo. He sighed a bit. “I got to know some things while I searched for you… but will you tell me some of them yourself?”

Ryo stayed silent for a moment, then he smiled. “I will.” He smiled nervously. “Maybe not now and not immediately, but I owe you after all…”

“Yeah!” Jin glared. “Definitely! You are such a stubborn brat… really… keeping such a thing inside till we almost break up.”

Ryo pouted a bit. “I’m not a stubborn brat.”

“How about cute, naïve midget then?”

“Shut up.” Ryo grumbled. “I’m not that small.”

“You rather complain about me calling you short than about being called naïve?” Jin wondered.

“You think it’s charming when I’m naïve.” Ryo answered dryly.

Jin chuckled at that. “That’s true.”

Ryo smiled warily, leaning against Jin’s chest. He felt protected there and safe. He sighed silently. “I missed you Jin. Not only during the last days…but also during the last months.”

“Me too.” Jin mumbled against Ryo’s hair. “So…can we pull a line here and start new? And learn from our mistakes?”

“Sounds good to me.” Ryo smiled. He paused, looking at the other warily. “You are not mad at me?”

“Well…” Jin admitted honestly. “A bit.”


“I will make you pay for it.” Jin joked. “Night for night.”

“Only you would take advantage of this incident in such a way.” Ryo half-complained.

“Well, if you don’t like it, you should have chosen another person at your side.” Jin tried to sound amused, though he couldn’t hide the nervous tune in his voice. He really hoped that he was important enough for Ryo, so important that Ryo would feel the urge to fight for them.

“No.” Ryo shook his head. “I don’t want anyone else.”

“Good…” Jin sounded so relieved that Ryo had to smile a bit. “Just promise me…” Jin started carefully. “That you will learn to talk.” He tugged at Ryo’s arm when he saw how he was obviously wavering at this question. “Think of us!”

Ryo took a deep breath. “I will try… I don’t want to loose you because of that…”

“Good.” Jin smiled contently, letting go of Ryo’s hips and taking his hand instead. “So can we go home now?”


Jin tugged Ryo along, deciding that for the upcoming time he would need to be strong enough for the both of them, because it was obvious that Ryo couldn’t. But for once in his life Jin wanted to be patient and considerate, because this was worth it. He wanted to see Ryo happy again, even if it would take him forever to make him smile. Of course he was afraid of what was lying in front of him and he worried if he would be able to handle this relationship. He wondered if he would be able to carry the both of them. But then, at the same time, he knew that Ryo' s smile was like the sun for him after all, he needed it to breath.

Dear Ryo,

I found you.
Or rather: I hope I found you.
I did find you, am I right?
This time for real...
I hope you will find peace in my arms.
I hope you will find your faith in me.
I hope that when you look into my eyes you will know it all.
I'm still horribly bad with words, but all the things I want to tell you... you can see them in my eyes.
I'm sure about that.
I hope you love me enough.
I hope I'm important enough for you to fight these shadows inside you...
... and also the shadows that are around us.
I believe in you.
Please believe in me too.

I won't let you go.
That's a promise.

I'm strong enough, I will carry the both of us.
No matter what.
Until you will be able to walk on your own.

Because I love you,


A/N: I orginally had planned to end it here, but then I thought that I can't leave you hanging like that ^^. So there will be an epilogue ^^


Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE

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