Title: Bittersweet Symphony: Chapter 7: Blackout
Pairing: Main: RyoJin, Akame, Pikame, TomaPi, Uchi/Miyao, one-sided RyoDa
Genre: romance, angst, friendship
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related, but the story is mine of course^^
Summary: Sometimes it seems like we hurt the ones we love the most...
“Alright…“ Toma sat down on the other side of the table, looking at Pi thoroughly, making the other squirm under his glance. “Kame? And you were drunk?”
Pi shrugged, his lips shivering a bit. "Sorry…” he breathed out. "I never meant to hurt you.”
He knew that his apology sounded so lame and that no words could erase Toma’s disappointment and his hurt feelings. There was no way he could express how sorry he was. Toma didn’t deserve that.
“Okay.” Toma stated simply, rubbing over his forehead to chase away the headache that was bothering him right now.
“What?” Pi blinked.
“I think…” Toma sighed. “…everyone makes mistakes occasionally. It was a stupid mistake…but a mistake.” He paused for a moment. “I’m not wrong, right? It was a mistake?”
“Eh?” Pi blinked at the other in surprise.
“You aren’t in love with Kame?” Toma asked carefully, needing to make sure about that.
“Of course not!” Pi blurted out, then he smiled weakly. How should he tell Toma to trust him?
“Then…” Toma got up. „Let’s try to get over this…“
“Yeah…” Toma looked at Pi piercingly. “It’s not that I appreciate it or that I’m feeling happy about it, but it’s something that can happen. So…” he paused a bit, forcing a smile to his lips. “I guess there are leftovers from the pasta I made yesterday…”
Uchi grinned happily as he was rushing through the streets. He was too early, but well… he didn’t want Miyao to wait for him. That was impolite after all. You shouldn’t let your date… eh… not date… your buddy… wait.
Uchi sighed, remembering the talk he had with Ryo. He wasn’t in love with Miyao right? Ryo had been joking around… obviously. But then…Ryo didn’t look like joking, he was rather tired and a bit closed yesterday. Uchi started to feel slightly guilty. Was he too self-centred for not trying to find out what was going on with Ryo immediately? He should care for his friend more…
He smiled when he saw Miyao standing in front of the cinema and waiting. In Uchi’s stomach there were little butterflies flying around suddenly… he couldn’t even tell why and how and when it started to be like that…He just knew that it was like that.
And then it happened.
Damn him for being so early!
Damn Miyao for standing somewhere for him to see…
Idiotic him for being so stupid and having butterfly feelings and stupid teenager dreams…
Then his mind went blank by the sight in front of him. Miyao standing there, leaning at the wall, apparently waiting. Uchi had been stupid enough to think he was waiting for him. Why was he even thinking like that? Totally stupid! He had thought that Miyao’s flirting, his nice words, his many calls, his friendly invitations, his teasing comments about everything concerning Uchi’s pouty lips (Hadn’t he even mentioned Uchi’s soft hair?) were an indication…for…what?
Stupid! Or how else should he describe the feelings that were going through his head right now as he saw how this pretty girl rushed towards Miyao to kiss him heatedly…
“Thanks for staying with me…” Kame smiled towards Jin.
Jun shrugged a bit, returning the smile, as he sat down at the sofa opposite from Kame. “Hope you are feeling better…” He paused. “Sorry for blaming you… I know it’s not that easy”
Kame sighed slightly. “I don’t even know what was driving me that night… but I promise you, it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Okay…” Jin placed his cup of coffee on the table and looked at Kame firmly. “I know you told me to think about everything carefully and not tell you immediately what I want. And I respected that. But we have to talk about it now.” Jin paused, before he looked at Kame insistently. “There is another important thing. I don’t want you to hang on me though you actually want something else… It’s okay if your love changes and turns into feelings you have towards someone else…”
Kame blinked at that. “But I…” he paused, taking a deep breath. “I told you already. I don’t feel anything for Yamapi… I don’t even know what was driving me, but I’m sure it wasn’t love.”
Jin wavered a bit. “I…” He paused, not sure how to say it. Some days before when he had visited Kame after the latter’s phone call and Kame had told him everything, he had promised the other to think about everything properly and not to say no or yes immediately. He had promised him to give this thought of them together a chance.
Kame lowered his head a bit, looking down at his hands. “You don’t love me.” he said silently. “Right?”
“Sorry.” Jin mumbled sheepishly, feeling sad and guilty for hurting his former best friend like that.
Ryo looked down at his scripts without even recognizing what he was reading. Jin’s message from yesterday was still lying on his mind heavily. He didn’t even know what to do or think right now, his mind was totally pre-occupied with thoughts about Jin…Jin smiling at him, Jin padding his head, Jin inviting him out, Jin caring for him, Jin visiting him, Jin partying with him, Jin teasing him, Jin hugging him, Jin making out with him…
And now all that was over?
Should he have told Jin something about his feelings earlier? They were meeting quite often and sometimes they even had these making-out sessions, kissing and touching each other. Ryo had always tried to convince himself that there hadn’t been the right moment to tell Jin about his feelings. But then… slowly Ryo started to believe that he had been simply running away from it.
And now Jin had sent him a message telling him that he would drop by now. Asking him if Ryo was in the mood for some cuddling… a silent code between them that Jin actually wanted a bit more than that. But wasn’t he kissing Kame right now? Why did he need Ryo then?
Ryo stared down at his phone. Could it be that Jin was still feeling attached to him? Maybe Kame had just surprised him with his confession…maybe he still had a chance… He clenched his fists; he should at least try it! But then…was it right to steal Jin from Kame? Ryo sighed deeply…he didn’t like to be a person who did such a thing… He definitely had to talk to Jin to stop their strange arrangement…
As his phone beeped again, he looked at if fearfully, afraid that Jin might cancel his visit again. But it was someone else, a number Ryo didn’t know. He blinked down at the message in utter surprise.
I heard you were in hospital and hope you are fine! Tell me if you need anything, I’ll be there! Ueda
What? Ryo stared at these words in disbelief. Well, it was nice, he thought, but strange… Ueda? Since when was he even interested in Ryo? He never even talked to him… Ryo just always saw him running away or going into another direction when he saw him somewhere.
I’m fine, thanks for asking. Nothing serious… he texted back, wanting to be polite.
The answer came within less than half a minute: Don’t believe you. You are sure you don’t need anything? My miso ramen is the best!
Ryo grinned at that. YOU can cook? And what do you mean with you don’t believe me?
As the answer came back Ryo chuckled lightly, totally seeing a picture of Ueda pouting in front of him. What!? You think you are the only one who can cook?? And since when are you careful about your health??
Ryo grinned a bit. True, sorry J
By the way… ever seen a movie from Francois Ozon?
Ryo blinked for a moment. Since when was Ueda into art movies or similar difficult stuff? Till now Ryo had always been the only one watching such movies, sitting alone in the cinema because none of his friends liked watching them. I just know one of his films. Any other good stuff?
Gorgeous stuff. You should watch 5x2.
Ryo sighed deeply, feeling a bit annoyed about himself. Because now he was interested… meaning: he had to somehow order this movie to see what it was about. Will order it.
Why ordering? I could borrow it to you next time we’ll meet.
For a moment Ryo really wondered what all this was about. Was there anything behind it? He had to laugh about himself. Of course not. They were just talking about movies. He shook his head, as he realised that it was actually Ueda he was chatting with here… Ueda… The guy he had nothing in common with… well, at least he thought that until now. Thanks. Would be great.
Ryo shook his head a bit, wondering what was going on with Ueda to write him out of a sudden and even offering him his help. But he couldn’t push his thoughts any further, since there was a knock at his door.
Jin… it had to be Jin…
“Hey, Ryo-chan!” Jin smiled at him encouragingly, before pointing at his sofa and the scripts lying there. “Don’t tell me you were working!?” he tried to look stern, but failed badly at it.
Ryo couldn’t help a giggle escaping his mouth. His senses always stopped working when he was together with Jin. There was no way he could be angry with him… or push him away… or not feel safe and loved when being with him… or avoid him. So also this time as Jin pulled him into a hug, his nose buried in Ryo’s hair, his lips brushing over his cheek, Ryo couldn’t do anything but hold on to the other.
Maybe it was a bad coincidence, maybe a sign that something was not going well, when Ryo heard a song playing from one of the apartments next to his. Kat-tun’s newest single. His eyes grew wide as he immediately thought of Kame… Wasn’t Jin with Kame now? What was he doing here? Kissing another guy’s lover…
That was not right…
His heart ached painfully as the sudden realisation hit him that he could not go on like that anymore… that he had to get out of this whole mess. That there was no way he could avoid his feelings anymore – at least towards himself he had to be honest. He had no chance to win Jin for him. He understood that now.
Jin drew back in surprise when he tasted something salty on his lips, blinking at Ryo in utter shock. “Ryo-chan?” he asked softly.
“Sorry…” Ryo breathed out, swallowing down the rest of his tears. „I’m not feeling well… must be from my breakdown…” With that he escaped into the bathroom, hoping that Jin would buy his excuse while he locked the door behind him and sat down on the floor.
“Ryo?” he could hear Jin’s concerned voice from outside. “Are you okay? Want me to call your doctor? Can’t I do anything for you?”
“No… thanks.” Ryo tried to sound steady. „I’m just feeling a bit dizzy… I’m sure I’ll be okay in no time.” Unexpectedly and unusual for his ears his voice sounded so bitter…
Little did he know about Jin standing at the other side of the door… and actually wondering a lot. He didn’t buy Ryo’s excuse at all… He bit his lips nervously, head resting against the door, trying to catch some noise Ryo was making inside. As if he was waiting for a life-sign. Not only slightly, but a lot he wondered what had happened with them.
Pi sighed deeply when he walked up the stairs to Kame’s apartment. He hated it that he got himself into such a stupid situation. Poor Toma. He must have felt so hurt. And now Pi just had to set things straight again between himself and Kame… They should definitely talk about what happened.
“Hey…” Kame’s voice sounded surprised but not unfriendly when he opened his door.
Pi blinked in disbelief. “Did you cry?” Again? He added in his thoughts, but decided to better not ask any more.
Three hours later Yamapi turned around a bit, his eyes scanning the person next to him. Kame’s breath was going steady now, his face almost peaceful… His body just covered with a blanket. Yamapi looked down at his own body, he wasn’t wearing anything right now. He rested his head on the pillow as he remembered the things he just did….
“Damn, I’m screwed.” he whispered to himself, voice totally shaken.