lilly0 (lilly0) wrote,

Broken Wings Part 2 (RyoJin)

Title: Broken Wings PART 2 (of 3)
Pairing: RyoJin
Rating: PG-15
angst, drama, romance, friendship
Warning: It touches some serious topics like depression and desperation. It's more angsty than usual, but you don't have to fear CD.
Summary: We all carry it inside us... some dark corners in our soul. But what if they break out from their cage and fight their way to the surface of our being? 
Wearing a bright smile as a masquerade, Ryo is able to act in a perfect role in front of the others... None of them sees his silent cry for help, except one...
Dedicated to [info]lybrint and [info]dorayaki_chan  and [info]go_chan2011

Jin didn’t like it much to see Pi like this, though he could have gloated because he had been right. But he didn’t feel like gloating… he felt too sad and crushed and a bit angry. He wanted to do something so badly, but he didn’t know what. He felt angry because he felt helpless… and at the same time he didn’t want to feel that way. Ryo needed him… and hence Jin would be there.

“I…” Pi’s fingers trembled slightly. “Are you sure?”

“Pi…” Jin smiled almost softly, stroking over the other’s hands. “I saw it.”

“I… Oh my god.” Pi swallowed down the dry feeling in his throat, still trying to grasp everything that Jin had told him. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize. I can’t believe I didn’t believe you. I can’t believe I was so stupid!”

“Stop that.” Jin told his friend firmly. “Not only isn’t it your fault, it’s also totally useless to worry about these things now. Important is that we know it now.”

Pi nodded his head firmly, gathering his senses again. “You are right. What should we do?”

“I’ll go on holidays.” Jin explained randomly.


“And I’ll take Ryo with me. It will be just the both of us…” he explained. Actually Jin had thought a lot about that, wondering about the best way to get down to the problem. He knew he couldn’t solve anything immediately and though he wasn’t the patient type normally, he didn’t feel impatient at all right now. This here was different. He wanted Ryo to relax and have some calm and fun time…and during these days he would start digging his way down through the wall Ryo had created around him. It would be a first step, but an important one…

Pi bit his lips nervously. “It’s not a bad idea. Just…how will you get Ryo to agree? And he isn’t even free right now and you aren’t either.”

Jin nodded his head. “I know. That’s where you step into the game. You’ll tell Takki.”

“Ah.” For a short moment Pi grinned. “You are right. Consider your holidays as granted…” He smiled warmly at the other. “Since you are the one who will go on holidays with him, I’ll ask Takki and explain everything.” He sighed a bit. “I feel a bit sad that you won’t need me though…”

“It’s not like that…” Jin tried to explain softly.

“I know.” The other smiled warily. “We are two different persons and have different qualities. And right now, we especially need your qualities. I understand that… but still I feel helpless.”

“You are not helpless.” Jin told him warmly.

“I hope so…”

“We are making holidays at the beach?” Ryo blinked in confusion.

“Yeah, why not?” Jin grinned, patting Ryo’s shoulder a bit.

“Because it’s winter?” Ryo returned the question.

On Jin’s face there appeared a beautiful smile. “It’s always beautiful at the beach. And the place is private, hence it’s not crowded at all. And you know that the doctor told you to make some holidays at the sea because of your weight issues…” he continued, secretly thinking that Takki was one heck of a guy for managing and organizing the whole thing. How did he ever make Ryo go to a doctor because of his weight issues? And then make the doctor recommend such a place? Right now Takki was one of the coolest guys ever for him.

Ryo smiled a bit. It was a careful smile, but still a smile… an honest one. “Well, you are right. The beach is really beautiful.” He leaned against Jin for a moment, enjoying the other’s warmth. Then he blinked as a thought hit him. “And why did they allow you to come along?”

Jin blinked nervously, desperately searching for an excuse, then he smiled wickedly. “I caught a cold last month and suffered a bit from bronchitis, remember? They said holidays at the beach would be the best to cure it completely. You know, because of the salty air.”

“Ah.” Ryo nodded his head, obviously content with Jin’s answer and actually also happy that he wasn’t alone here.

Jin grinned contently, pulling Ryo along to the little hotel at the beach. To call the area quite deserted was already exaggerated. No one was around, just the beach and the sea and some wild horses on the fields around them. It was almost too idyllic to be true.

“That’s cute.” Ryo giggled when they came into their room.

Jin smiled brightly at that, glad that Ryo was being himself right now… so relaxed and normal, like he was before. It was just a moment though, but Jin was glad that it was still inside him. He tousled Ryo’s hair, tugging a bit at it before he burst into laughter over Ryo’s grumpy expression. “Not fun, idiot!” Ryo grumbled.

“Huge fun, shrimp.” Jin teased, then he grabbed Ryo’s shoulders and pushed him out of the door before the latter could answer something to his last teasing remark.

Ryo sat down on a rock, looking at the sea, his thoughts far away. Jin watched him secretly, wondering if Ryo knew how beautiful and stunning he was and that it would solve so many things if he only knew about his talents and his features. For a moment Jin really had to fight back the urge to simply sit down next to the other and pull him into a soft hug, whispering exactly these things into his ear. But this was not an option… So he merely kept watching, before he sat down next to the other as well. He leaned back a bit, closing his eyes to feel the warmth of the winter’s sun on his face.

Ryo smiled a bit. “It’s beautiful here…” For a moment he felt almost peaceful and calm… and well, happy. It was just the glimpse of a moment though, but it was nice to remember these feelings. His gaze shifted towards Jin, looking at the other’s profile carefully. Jin was so pretty… so perfect, so stunning. If Ryo had been a better guy, more perfect, more stunning, just a bit like Jin, he would have gone for Jin. But the way he was, with all his flaws and bad features, he was not an option for Jin.

When Jin opened his eyes out of a sudden, he directly looked into Ryo’s. He blinked over the intensity of the other’s glance, something in his stomach swirling around in delight. Ryo didn’t pull his glance away. Apparently he was too surprised that Jin suddenly opened his eyes, so that he couldn’t pull away anymore. They kept staring at each other for minutes, before Jin decided to give a shit about his own doubts. He raised his hand, stroking over Ryo’s hair a bit, before the back of his hand trailed over Ryo’s cheek.

He kissed him like that… under the warm sun of a cold winter day, with the sound of the ocean’s waves around to them.

Ryo couldn’t believe it. Had Jin really kissed him? Him? Why? He was just so imperfect and unimportant. Why was Jin looking at him as if he wasn’t? As if he was the best and most perfect creature on earth. If only he had known…


With that thought a well-known anxiety crawled through his body again. He bit his lips, trying to fight it back. It was strong, but not stronger than usual. In the end he stood up, walking into their bathroom and sitting down on the toilet. He looked around, his eyes catching the shaver, lying on the cupboard. For a moment he wavered. Should he?

But then… he couldn’t. It felt like betraying Jin. And he couldn’t betray him like that. Not when they had just kissed.

When he stumbled back into their room, he blinked a bit. Had Jin always been lying in his bed? Ryo shook his head in confusion…maybe they had mistaken their beds at night, but he was sure that they went to bed alone. He tapped towards his bed, bending down to check if it were his things on his bed-side table. But then he couldn’t avoid looking at Jin’s face too. He was so pretty and so gorgeous… so generous. Jin was generous with everything. Ryo sat down a bit, brushing over the other’s face.

He blinked when he felt Jin’s arm moving a bit, grabbing his hand and pulling him down into his bed. Ryo blushed slightly, but lied down next to other, with his back towards Jin. The latter wrapped his arms around Ryo, his hands lying on Ryo’s arms now. “You are such an idiot. I have no words for it. But you are my idiot…” Jin mumbled into Ryo’s ear tiredly.

For a moment Ryo wondered what Jin meant with that. But then he shrugged it off… most likely he was just teasing him a bit.

Jin couldn’t help but wonder a bit. How did he end up kissing Ryo? He never thought he would have had the courage to do it… but suddenly… his mind had gone blank and he had kissed Ryo… and Ryo had kissed him back. Jin’s heart made a jump at that. He had longed so much for this to happen and waited so long… and now he wasn’t even allowed to be entirely happy, because he needed to do some things first, solve some problems, before he was allowed to enjoy his time with Ryo fully…

He watched his steps quite well… and he also watched Ryo’s. In the meantime he worked on something… a secret. No matter how much Ryo kept asking him what he was working on, he wouldn’t tell him. It was a little surprise after all.

He sighed silently, watching how Ryo left him for a moment… He knew he had to corner him. Just…he was still searching for his own courage to do so and to face Ryo and his reaction when he would find out that he knew. Then he smiled silently about his own thoughts. He already kissed Ryo… how much courage did he still need? With that he stood up, returning to their hotel room. He had told him that he would leave for a moment because he had forgotten something at the beach… Well, it was a lie. Of course it was. He wanted to leave Ryo alone for a moment to be able to walk into him…to surprise him. Jin felt a bit bad for doing so, because he had to use this little trick, but in the end… it was the outcome that counted, right?

He counted down from 10 then he turned around, heading back to their hotel. His heart was hammering against his chest when he opened the door to the corridor, silently walking through it. When he stood in front of the door to their room, he took a deep breath. Then without thinking any further he opened it.

His heart clenched a bit by the sight in front of him. His friend was sitting on the window sill, his fingers playing with the shaver, an exhausted and anxious expression on his face. But when he saw Jin, he almost fell down from the window sill again. He stared at Jin in utter shock… and panic, since now was no possibility to hide anything anymore “Jin…”

Jin merely showed him a smile. “Ah, Ryo-chan… you have my shaver. Great! I swear I was already searching everywhere for it.” He grabbed the item from Ryo, ignoring the scars on Ryo’s arms and left into the bathroom, leaving a totally confused and surprised Ryo behind.

When he closed the door behind him, he leaned his head against the cool wall of the bathroom, fighting against the urge to run back into the room and hug his breakable, stupid little idiotic friend (and actually boyfriend). But he didn’t do it, because this here had to go according to a plan.

So when Jin left the bathroom he was shaved, wearing a warm smile. No tears glittering in his eyes anymore. Instead of all that there was an inscrutable expression in his eyes… Ryo frowned when he saw the other. What was going on? What happened? Was he already going insane and imagining things? Ryo looked around nervously, eyeing Jin carefully. But Jin was just the same as always…

A/N: Lj kept messing around with me here >< Even after disabling auto formatting it didn't take what I wrote in Word... I had to edit some things manually with HTML. >< That's why the font size is bigger than normal, otherwise you might have needed a magnifying lense to read it.
I hope it will work again soon...
Besides that I'm working my way through the PS3 Game "Alice: Madness Returns" It sounded like a great psychological Action-Thriller Game with slight Horror elements. In the end it's just a Jump'n Rund, remove the tiny amount of blood and tragedy and it's an USK 12 game. I really feel a bit disappointed in it ><

Oh, and now I almost forgot^^ - here is Part 2 of my RyoJin mini-series. What's Jin up to? ^^

Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE

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