lilly0 (lilly0) wrote,

Mood Swings Chapter 1/6

Title: Mood Swings Chapter 01 (of 6): One ticket to Sho-Island, please
Pairing: Sakumoto, hints of others (Ohmiya for example)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, friendship

Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Raised in a rather conservative way Sho has learned to hide his emotions perfectly, building an indestructible wall around him. Whenever people are exchanging feelings, it makes him feel uncomfortable. But when he meets Jun, his perfect wall seems to crumble. And suddenly Sho realizes that he wants to be something for for Jun... a brother, a friend, or even more. With all his might Sho tries to break out from his shell, hoping that Jun will see and accept the person Sho really is.
Note: This is a little travel through Sho-Jun relationship from their debut till now.
Dedicated to: Originally requested by fog_dancer in THIS post. I had planned to make a One-shot out of it, but...suddenly... I found myself adding one chapter after another. Okay, I admit it, in the end fog_dancer just gave me the perfect excuse to write my beloved Sakumoto again XDDDD I hope you will like it! ^_^

Sho had always believed that relationships between Human Beings were difficult. Always. Because whenever people were involved, also emotions and feelings were involved, accompanied by words like disappointment, sadness, wrath, love. Human emotions were deep and hence difficult.
No matter if it was between parents and their children, aboubt siblings, within relationships… Whenever one had to interact with someone else, it changed everything.
Whenever people were involved it got difficult…
It was not like Sho didn’t have any feelings, he had a lot of them. He just didn’t show them all the time. But he felt. Of course he did. He had no problems at all with having feelings. What he had problems with though was allowing them to be, showing them...not to talk about admitting them. It was as if he felt weak and insecure when he showed too much of himself.
For Sho feelings and emotions had always been difficult. He had learned that already many years ago when he was still a 10 year old boy. His father had slapped him harshly for something he never did. Sho didn’t understand what was happening to him, why he got slapped and why he felt hurt. He also didn’t understand what was going on when his father was especially friendly to him a few hours later when he found out the truth… that it wasn’t Sho’s fault. He didn’t apologize though, he was just caring and friendly. And Sho didn’t understand why.
It was always the same. Whenever his father wronged one of his kids… it was always the same pattern. Scolding – some sort of outburst – and a caring attitude the day after. His father never knew how to apologize. Never. And none of his kids had learned it either.
Sho sighed a bit when he thought of this old story. So, maybe he had inherited the lack of showing emotions from his father. And though he knew that, he couldn’t change it that easily.
So he stayed who he was: 16-years old Sho. The good-looking boy with the small smile, who had built a wall around him. It was perfect. Secretly Sho called it Sho-island! A perfect place to be. Just him…with himself. It was perfectly calm and secure. At least that was what Sho thought, until he met a boy whom he felt attached to almost immediately. An intruder to Sho-Island. But Sho couldn't help it, he felt strangely connected to the boy... Not through love of course, Jun was way too young. Sho couldn't describe it himself, but the moment he had looked into Jun's dark eyes, saw his fragile figure and his shy smile, Sho couldn't fight the urge to protect this boy.

He simply felt responsible for him. He wanted to help him, guide him, be at his side... being there for every problem he had. Sho felt weird for having such thoughts, it was the first time in his life he actually felt something like that towards a person that wasn't in any way related to him by blood. But there was no doubt about it: He liked Jun.
Just that Sho had never thought that his education and how his parents raised him would ever be a problem for him. He knew that some things went wrong between them and that he should handle these things differently one day. In theory he knew that quite well and actually he really believed that. Until he treated Jun, like his father had treated him...
Not that he slapped him, not exactly, but Sho's nerves had never been good. They were tensing up fast, stretching and pushing him from inside. Thin like little miniscule-like-threads. And the more he tried to suppress his nerves then, the worse it became. He became calm first, dangerously calm, as if a storm was about to approached. Everything around him was tensed then, not exactly dark, more like a gleaming aura. And then, just with a tiny bit more tension, like a thunderstorm he exploded. Normally he was at home then, keeping himself together until he was alone. But sometimes... he burst like that, his short temper totally overwhelming him. It was rare for him to really react like that in front of others, but it happened occasionally. 
And out of all guys, it had to happen with Jun of course. Just like a wave Sho's temper broke away from him, his sight getting red for a moment. When he was himself again after a few minutes of revealed anger, Jun was hiding somewhere in the dressing room next to their rehearsing room, Aiba – though actually not even involved – was joining Jun by sobbing and crying next to him, out of sympathy.

And the normally so relaxed Nino shot him a dangerous glare, looking at him in disappointment.
At least Ohno stayed his calm self. He even showed Sho a sympathetic smile, which made Sho feel even worse, before Ohno joined Nino with trying to get the other two guys out of the dressing room.
It was a few hours later that it hit Sho out of a sudden, the knowledge that he had been like his father today. Not that he snapped was the worst thing, but that he didn't apologize later. Instead he invited Jun out for dinner...
Sho felt his stomach twitching at that, his heart aching, because for the first time he had seen it painfully clearly.
And then another thing happened. Sho wasn't sure if he was the reason for it... or if he was at fault... if he triggered it. But at that evening Jun and Aiba shared their very first kiss with each other. Something had connected them and Jun was slowly feeling for Aiba's gentleness and his sweet and tender attitude.
And out of a sudden Sho felt helpless when he realized that he couldn't turn back time and that he wasn't able to make things undone.
Jun had always treated him with respect and admiration, but there was always something inside him that made Sho feel as if Jun was afraid of him. At least a bit.
“You are ridiculous, Sho.” Nino grumbled. Unlike Jun he didn't feel scared of Sho at all. “Why should Jun feel afraid?” He pulled an eyebrow up. “As long as you don't jump into his face again.”
Sho shrugged helplessly. “But he is never telling me how he feels...”
Nino coughed at that, shifting around uncomfortably. “Well... you know... you aren't exactly the type one talks about his feelings with.”
“Eh?” Sho frowned. “Why?”
Nino sighed deeply, wondering why he had to be the one leading such a talk with Sho now. But Sho was not only his band-mate, he was also his friend. “You know, you aren't... well... you aren't showing too many emotions yourself.”
“You think I'm emotionless?”
Nino sighed a bit, scanning Sho's expression carefully. As always he was hiding everything underneath his perfect sho-island surface. “That's not what I said... Jun admires you. He said it himself, that he is your biggest fan.”
Sho rubbed over his head a bit. “I don't want to be his role-model. I want to be his friend...”
Nino smiled sadly at that. “Such things aren't so easy. You can’t define that. The roles have been set since months already, since we became a group. You are his idol, Oh-chan is like the nice daddy.” Nino frowned, pouting a bit. “He got such a cool role. Why am I not the daddy-type? I'm more like a friend, I guess. And then Aiba… for Jun he is.... well...” Nino smiled a bit. “...his heart. At least for now.”
“You mean they are together?” Sho frowned. “They are two guys! Besides... Aren't they too young?”
Nino looked around helplessly, cursing himself for not bringing Ohno along. “So, what if they are two guys? Do you really care?”
Sho sighed. “I would like to say no now. But you know my family...”
“Oh God, Sho!” Nino huffed. “Forget your family once in a while. You are an independent human being. Find your own definition of wrong and right. You are supposed to be the smartest out of us five, you should really know the answer two these questions yourself.”
Sho rubbed over his head a bit. “You do have a point... though I don't like to hear it. But you are right. As long as they aren't intimate in front of me.” he shrugged. “I never liked that about couples.”
Nino rolled his eyes. “Holy cow, Sho, you are so prudish. You have never been in love, right?”
“No.” Sho answered out of a sudden.
Nino blinked in confusion. He hadn’t really meant what he had said before, hence he was surprised by Sho’s answer. “What…” he mumbled, feeling how his stomach twisted a bit by the look in Sho’s eyes.
Sho looked at his friend calmly. “I've never loved someone.” he repeated.

Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE

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