Title: Mood Swings Chapter 03 (of 6): Gaps
Pairing: Sakumoto, hints of others (Ohmiya for example)
Genre: romance, friendship
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: Raised in a rather conservative way Sho has learned to hide his emotions perfectly, building an indestructible wall around him. Whenever people are exchanging feelings, it makes him feel uncomfortable. But when he meets Jun, his perfect wall seems to crumble. And suddenly Sho realizes that he wants to be something for for Jun... a brother, a friend, or even more. With all his might Sho tries to break out from his shell, hoping that Jun will see and accept the person Sho really is.
Note: This is a little travel through Sho-Jun relationship from their debut till now.
Dedicated to: Originally requested by fog_dancer in THIS post. I had planned to make a One-shot out of it, but...suddenly... I found myself adding one chapter after another.
“Jun-kun is really charming...” Miki, the girl next to Jun giggled a bit, her fingers moving over his chin, before she turned his head around to kiss him.
Aiba grinned brightly at that, happy that Jun had found someone to love. Finally. Okay, he had been a bit surprised that it was a girl. But well... maybe Jun didn't care much about gender. So Aiba didn't care either. He smiled warmly at Jun, feeling content and happy when the latter returned his smile. They had always stayed close to each other. Not like best friends... but the thread that had been connecting them once was not broken. It made them understand each other when others couldn't follow them anymore.
It was that simple instead of being complicated. Aiba knew that it wasn’t normal this way. They should avoid each other or treat each other carefully, because they had been dating once. But with Jun it was different. He didn't want to miss a single memory with him, not because he still loved him, but rather because the other had been his first love. They were something special for each other. That's why Aiba felt really, deeply happy for Jun now, and he knew that Jun would feel as happy for him when he would start dating someone too.
“Ah.” Ohno mused, when he watched Miki and Jun. “I want to be fresh in love too...”
“HEY!” Nino complained, kicking out his foot and hitting Ohno's leg. He glared at his friend.
Ohno smiled apologetically. He hadn't even meant it that way, but sometimes things he said came out wrong. He stroked over Nino's arm warmly. “Being in a long-time relationship is even better.” he told him.
“Why?” Nino wanted to know, apparently still feeling annoyed.
“Because I don't need to explain all my flaws and weak points. You already know them... And I know yours.”
Nino had to chuckle at that. This was such an Ohno-like answer. Totally unromantic, but still so honest and heart-warming. He leaned back against the other, deciding not to bother him with another complain.
Sho watched his friends, shaking his head a bit. Was there some sort of love-goddess flying around and infiltrating everyone? It wasn't like Sho himself didn't have any relationships. He had them, but he just never told anyone about it and he also didn't show them off.
Other than his friends...
He shook his head about Ohno and Nino before his gaze shifted towards Jun. He just saw how Jun moved his strong hand over Miki's cheek, his fingertips touching her lips softly. Just like that Sho felt how his stomach twisted painfully and he didn't know why.
He frowned. Exactly this was the reason why he hated it when couples showed off their intimacy to others. He hated it!
During the next months Jun was too busy to sense anything or to wonder much about his band mates, but at one point it hit him. It was when he was joking around with Nino when he suddenly realized Sho’s glare. He looked so bothered and Jun didn’t understand why. What did this look mean? Did something happen? Sho looked so annoyed... Did Sho start to hate him?
Jun sighed a bit, his stomach twisting almost painfully. Did something slip his mind? Did he upset Sho? He took a deep breath, deciding to approach to other and ask directly.
Sho blinked when he heard Jun’s voice, surprised by the earnest look in the other’s eyes. “Jun?" He frowned in worry. "Everything alright?”
“Yes, I guess.” Jun looked at Sho piercingly, smiling almost hopefully. “And you?”
Sho shrugged. “Yes, I’m fine.”
A sigh escaped Jun’s lips when he heard this answer. It was always the same. Sho would never show a weak or vulnerable side, not to him, not to anyone else. “Is… you know… you aren’t mad at me, are you?” he asked carefully, shifting around nervously.
Sho stared at Jun in utter surprise. He didn’t even understand where Jun got this idea from. Why should he be mad at him? He wanted to answer this immediately, diffuse this nervous look in Jun’s eyes, hug him, mess around with him, but something was holding him back. So he merely smiled. “What are you talking about? Don’t be stupid. Of course I’m not mad.” It was supposed to sound like a joke, but Sho had to admit that he didn’t hit the right tune. Somehow his senses always stopped to work when he was with Jun… as if something was manipulating him. He wasn’t himself then, he was a strange, nervous, cold guy. Sho hated it to be like that
The discontent and hurt expression in Jun’s eyes made Sho’s stomach twitch, his throat feeling dry out of a sudden. He wanted to say something or do something to make Jun smile, to make him stop worrying, but again he let go of this chance.
Sho tried to hide his pained expression as well as he could, when Jun turned around without another word and left him.
It was some weeks later that Sho watched Jun carefully, how he was leaning against the wall next to the window, his long fingers brushing through his dark hair. Apparently he was talking about something important on the phone. With his girlfriend? But his expression didn’t seem to be lovey-dovey enough. Maybe his parents? A friend?
But somehow Jun looked almost angry, his dark eyes even darker than usual. Was he fighting with someone? Sho couldn’t help it… He knew he was supposed to feel worried, but the picture in front of him was such a pretty one. Jun was so beautiful.
If it hadn’t been so awkward between them he would have told Jun how amazing he was. He had never told him that he was an amazing guy. Sho wasn’t really good with compliments. Maybe he should have done that more often, maybe Jun wouldn’t have pulled away from him then?
Jun hadn’t approached Sho again. Apparently he had lost his courage to do so. Maybe he also wanted to avoid the feeling of being pushed away again. When Sho looked at him, Jun showed him a polite smile, when he talked with him, he was nice… always. But somehow Sho missed the warmth in Jun’s gestures, smiles and words…
“Hey, Sho.” Nino waved at his friend. “Want to go for a drink tonight?”
Sho smiled a bit. “Sure. Is Riida coming too?”
“Nope.” Nino shook his head. “Oh-chan is meeting his mother today.” He grinned impishly. “So, I'm all yours tonight.”
Sho rolled his eyes at that, but he was already used to Nino's teasing jokes - always implying that somehow Sho was too prudish for Nino's taste - so he simply ignored them. “Is someone else coming too?” He coughed a bit. “One of the…eh… others?”
Nino pulled an eyebrow up. “With 'others' you mean Aiba-chan or...” he made a meaningful pause. “...Jun?”
“Yeah.” Sho answered casually, trying to sound as random as possible. As if he didn't care at all.
Nino rolled his eyes at that, shaking his head. “I'm not sure. Aiba-chan is meeting a friend. And Jun... I don't know... Oh-chan told me he is having some private problems.”
“Eh?” Sho blinked at that in confusion. “Really?” His face grew pale at that. Jun had problems and he didn't even know about it? Since when was Jun so good in hiding things? Really... Sho's heart ached a bit. “He never said anything...”
There had been a time when he was important for Jun, but apparently this time was over. Suddenly Sho felt like hiding somewhere and crying. He... crying. He never cried. Why did he feel like starting to cry now? It was just stupid...
Jun was a grown-up man and it was his decision with whom he talked about his problems to. But still it didn’t stop bugging Sho. Why did he choose Ohno and not him?
Nino shifted around a bit, feeling uncomfortable when he saw Sho's hurt expression. Hence he smiled warmly. “You know, Oh-chan said he just found out about it coincidentally. It's not like Jun told him something... It was a coincidence, really.”
Actually this was the truth, but still Nino wasn't sure if Sho really believed him. But the little moment where Sho had let his guard down and showed him this vulnerable side was over. He had put his calm masquerade back on and Nino couldn't read in his expression anymore.
Though Sho was showing Nino a calm and friendly facial expression, his feelings were fighting inside him. Slowly Sho started to understand some things. He and Jun had never fought, not really. But instead of it they had let it happen to drift apart. This was so much worse than fighting.
Sho frowned at that, a sudden determination winning over him. Damn, he was Sho-kun! Jun was his favourite Junior and he wouldn’t let anyone else take over HIS role as a Senpai, even when it was just Ohno. Sho wanted to be something for Jun… whatever role Jun chose for him. He wanted to be there for him. He wanted to support him, even if Jun was pushing him away. From now on he wouldn’t let the gap between them get any wider!
Nino watched Sho carefully when he was finally having a drink with him, rolling his eyes a bit at the sight in front of him. It was so bothersome. He shook his head in worry. Why couldn't Sho admit it? Jun wasn't a kid anymore. He was 25 now. A grown-up, damn hot guy. It was okay to have a crush on him! Sho should just admit it. It wasn't like the others didn't know. It was so clear to all of them... Just Jun wasn't able to see it. Unfortunately.
Note: Hey dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support!! So, I wanted to tell you that my Request Post is open. If you feel like requesting a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE